Skip to content

Beard Poetry

Somone once wrote this about my beard:

It’s set to music, so hit play as you begin to read:


Is this the beard life?
Every boy’s fantasy
Caught in the drainpipe
No escape from finality
Fluff up your hairs
Check in the mirror and see
There’s just a long hair, the first to get cut free
Because my GF says, it must go
Starting high, ending low
Every time the wind blows, my face gets so very cold, so cold.

Mustacheeee, just saw one, man.
Was a handlebar I plead
Feeling my face, my beard’s dead
Mustacheeee, growth had just begun
But now I’ve gone and shaved my friend away
Mustacheeee, ooooo
Didn’t want to cut you dry
If you’re not back at 5 P.M. tomorrow
Please regrow, please regrow, since nothing else really matters

Alas, gillette has come
Five blades against the grain
Hairs quaking all in vain
Farewell rebellious bristles — You’ve got to go
Need to cut you all away and show my face!
Mustacheeeee, ooooo (every time the wind blows)
I think I’m gonna cry
I wish sometimes I couldn’t grow beards at all!

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Clean shaven, clean shaven why have you gone and done that
Norelco and gillette — trimming and shaving me
Ecnassianer, Ecnassianer,
Ecnassianer, Ecnassianer,
Ecnassianer fine tassles – MAGNIFICOOOOOO

I’m just a stray hair and nobody saw me
Spare him his growth from this beard-hating snob
Easy come easy go — will you let me grow
FIANCEE! No she will not let you grow! - Let him grow!
FIANCEE! she will not let you grow - Let him grow!
FIANCEE! she will not let you grow - Let him grow!
Will not let you grow - let me grow (mustache)
Never let me grow -oooooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Oh handlebar-a, handlebar-a, handlebar-a let me grow
Beelzebub has a barber put aside for me
foooorrrrr meeeeee
fooorrrrr meeeeeee

So you think you can shave me and rinse out the sink
So you think you can grow me and leave me extinct
Oh razor – can’t do this to me razor
Just gotta grow out – just gotta grow like Gandalf the gray

ooohhh yeah, oooohh yeah
Beards totally matter
Everyone can see
Beards totally matter — beards totally matter to meeeeee

Every time the wind blows…